Sad! Grown Woman Can’t Pronounce ‘Comfortable,’ Says ‘Comfy’ Instead Like a Literal Child

PRINCETON, NJ — Local woman Alex LaHoba, 27, confirmed to reporters Tuesday that she “can’t pronounce the word ‘comfortable’” and uses ‘comfy’ instead. “It’s shameful, honestly,” a visibly embarrassed LaHoba shared while holding back tears. “It’s not the kind of thing you want to admit to the world. But whenever I want to call something comfortable, I have to stop myself and call it comfy instead.”

When asked why she can’t pronounce comfortable, a word that essentially every English-speaking person learns to say correctly and in its entirety by 1st grade, LaHoba sighed. “It’s just so awkward, y’know? I have the first and last parts down just fine — ‘comf’ is easy, and I’ve been saying ‘table’ like a champ since I was four. But there’s something about the middle. You either have to enunciate every syllable and sound like a complete lunatic — ‘com-fort-a-ble’ — or your smush the sounds together — ‘come-fter-bull’ — and sound like your mouth broke midway through the word! So I just went with a different option: ‘comfy.’ I may sound like a child, but at least I sound like a child who can say ‘comfy’ with the best of ‘em.”

Sources confirm that LaHoba has always replaced “comfortable” with “comfy,” even when she could have used another word entirely. At press time, LaHoba’s husband remarked that although he does not like that his wife occasionally talks like a toddler, he vowed to take her in sickness and in health, “and this is her sickness.”

writer, shitposter, & comic creator. never not tired. would happily break my vegetarianism to eat the rich. more at alicelahoda.com

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